


It was christmas

by Bad_boy_supreme_on_fire



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas, M/M, Marauders, Marauders era, and it's a late christmas fic, and there's some fluff, there's some angst, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 09:57:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5535590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bad_boy_supreme_on_fire/pseuds/Bad_boy_supreme_on_fire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“There’s a full moon this Christmas”, Remus said quietly. He’d been sitting there for a while, in the red chair, just looking out of the window of the common room with the usual face he wore when he was thinking. When he was thinking about stuff that made him sad or upset. Sirius looked up at him, but Remus didn’t look away from the dark window. James and Peter had grown quiet.<br/>“Christmas eve”.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It was christmas

**Author's Note:**

> wooooo so this is my first wolfstar fic, it would be rlly awesome if u guys tell me what u think!!  
> merry late christmas<3

“There’s a full moon this Christmas”, Remus said quietly. He’d been sitting there for a while, in the red chair, just looking out of the window of the common room with the usual face he wore when he was thinking. When he was thinking about stuff that made him sad or upset. Sirius looked up at him, but Remus didn’t look away from the dark window. James and Peter had grown quiet.

“Christmas eve”.

Sirius nodded. He knew Remus would be sad about it. It would ruin Christmas for him, at least that was how Remus’ thinking usually went, he knew.

“We’re all going to be here, you know”, James said, trying to offer some comfort. “We’re not going to let it ruin Christmas for you. For any of us”.

Judging by Remus’ face, it didn’t help.

“But it _is_ going to ruin Christmas”, he said, and Sirius could hear it in his voice, it _was_ going to ruin Christmas. “Of course it will”.

Sirius nudged his foot from his place on the floor. “Even if you’re so sure it will, we’ll make a great Christmas after you recover”. Remus’ brown eyes looked down at him. They were too sad. Sirius wanted to blame someone, and he wanted to murder them. And he wanted to hug Remus. “The house-elves would love to make us some food to sneak up in the dorm”, he said, and smiled weakly. Remus smiled weakly back.

“And we’ll save the presents so we can all open them at the same time”, Peter suggested, and they all nodded.

“It won’t be so bad, Moony”. Sirius put a hand on his knee. “Okay?”

Remus looked out of the window again. “Okay”.

 ***

 

Remus as a werewolf was not always like this. Usually, he would pace around the Shrieking Shack, howl, whine, growl, and pace more. He would be angry, of course he would be angry every full moon, but he would be calm enough to direct this anger into his howling and whining and growling and pacing, even though he was not himself. Even though he was not even human under the full moon.

But there were nights like this. There were nights Remus didn’t stay in the Shrieking Shack, there were nights Remus in his animal form was too angry and mad. Those were the nights, Sirius had learned, that came after the days Remus was upset or sad.

Remus wore all his emotions on the inside. The full moon morphed all these emotions into something violent and angry, and those nights he wore them on the outside. If Remus was upset during the day, he was incontrollable during the night.

And today, Remus had been upset and sad and angry and frustrated because the full moon was on Christmas eve. No one could really blame him. When all his emotions were mutilated and intensified as silver light shone through the window of the Shrieking Shack, and when all that new anger and frustration and violence was crawling right underneath his skin, showing in his eyes and his teeth and in the way he moved, he didn’t stay in the Shack.

Those nights he roamed the Forbidden Forest, and all Sirius and the others could do was follow him, and try their best to look after him. That was what Remus did that night too, he sought the shadows of the forest and everything among them.

Obviously, it ruined Christmas, Remus had known. They had all known. They half-carried him back inside before dawn had started showing in the sky, and he collapsed on the nearest bed in the infirmary wing. Madam Pomfrey was ready with her potions, bandages and healing magic and she chased them out, they knew she would. All Sirius could see when he closed his eyes that night, – no, that morning – and what he saw every morning when he closed his eyes after a night like this, was the dark blood escaping Remus’ beautiful body, staining the white sheets in a sickening contrast.

*** 

 

Remus slept through Christmas day. It was what they had all expected, but they still hoped he’d wake up sooner. He didn’t belong in a hospital bed.

“Do you think Madam Pomfrey will let us in now?” Peter asked. They had tried before dinner, with no luck. Sirius shrugged, still staring down at the homework he didn’t even plan to do.

“We could try”.

Remus was not awake, but they could come in as long as they were quiet. James and Peter sat on the left side of his bed, Sirius on the right. He took Remus’ hand and held it, not sure whether he was trying to comfort the boy or himself. He just wanted to.

No one said a word. They were used to this by now, but it still hurt seeing him like this. He looked so fragile and Sirius hated it.

 

Peter broke the silence. “Maybe we should go back soon. It’s kind of late”. He was right, but Sirius wanted to stay.

“C’mon, Pads”, James said, and his voice was a lot more quiet than usual.

“Can’t you guys just go ahead?” Sirius looked at him. “I’ll be there in a minute”. James nodded, patting him on the shoulder as he gently pushed Peter on front of him and left.

Sirius didn’t usually cry. Not even when Remus was hurt and unconscious. He cried now, though, and he desperately wished the sleeping boy would not wake up to see him cry, because he never cried and when he did, no one should know. Remus didn’t wake up. And Sirius cried.

***

 

Remus came back after breakfast, just as the others were leaving the common room to see him. Sirius hugged him, but was gentler than usual in case it would hurt. Remus hugged back and laughed hoarsely.

“Miss me, huh?” His voice was barely there, like usual after a full moon.

“Of course I did, stupid”. Sirius let go and left him in James’ mercy, then Peter’s.

“You look like shit”, said James, and earned another hoarse laugh.

“Thanks”.

 

It was the 26th of December. Neither of them had opened their presents, nor had any real Christmas dinner. Naturally, James and Sirius sneaked down into the kitchen, where the house elves welcomed them happily.

None of the other Gryffindors stayed at Hogwarts that Christmas, so the four of them had the common room to themselves.

“You have to admit, Mooney,” James said as they maneuvered the food in the air past the portrait and into the room. “This isn’t so bad”.

Remus was smiling, and as long as he wouldn’t stop, Sirius didn’t give a shit about food or Christmas. But he grinned as well.

“This is first-class illegal Christmas-eve-food. This isn’t bad at all”.

It wasn’t bad at all. They all sat squeezed together on the too-small couch, eating the stolen food, listening to the crackling fire, joking, laughing, talking. It was nice. Remus looked tired, but happy, and Sirius could settle for that.

At the end of the night, after they had opened their presents, they all flung themselves on the couch and chairs again. Sirius lay on the couch with his head in Remus’ lap, enjoying the way the boy kept brushing his hair with his fingers. Remus and Peter were chatting quietly about something uninteresting, and Sirius closed his eyes and sighed to himself. Remus kept petting his hair.

“Stop looking so goddamn in love, it’s gross”.

Sirius didn’t open his eyes to look at James. “Stop looking then, asshole”. He could almost feel Remus smiling, James rolling his eyes and Peter suppressing a giggle.

After a while, James got up from his chair. “I’m going to bed. See you guys tomorrow”. Peter followed him short after.

“I’m not going to sit here while you two are snuggling”, he said, and Sirius gave him a mock wave, still without opening his eyes, and Peter went to bed.

A little while later, Sirius opened his eyes. “Where you right?” he asked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but probably”. Remus laughed, and Sirius swatted his arm.

“Seriously”, he said, and Remus listened. “Did it ruin Christmas?”

“No”. He shook his head. “It didn’t. Not the one you guys made”.

Sirius smiled. “Good”.

He sat up and turned around on the couch, facing Remus. This beautiful boy with his beautiful scars and his beautiful voice and his beautiful laughter and his beautiful everything. There would be new scars next time Sirius would get to explore his skin. At least forming ones. There always was, and Sirius always made it his mission to find them all and kiss them, because scars were okay and Remus’ scars were beautiful.

It was Christmas.

And they kissed.


End file.
